Day 19 Thursday 24/09/09
Despite doing not much today due to lack of technical know-how, Oded taught me a few more important lessons. Firstly, about not being afraid of people watching you as you work - whether absent or present - in ten years time or now. He said, "No one is actually watching you, and if anyone is, they are actually only watching themselves, their ego and their reputation. Do what you like, and do it for you." He also taught me about writing descriptions of your own work. He told me to only ever describe what you have done in one sentence. This was the opposite of the blurbs on my website. Do not praise yourself or dictate understanding by saying too much or prescribing what you want people to think. With regards to our short films, viewers should be invited to perceive it for themselves. Anything other is restrictive and will kill the work. I need to edit my website.

My evening was little more productive after an hours walk on the beach and a cold shower. I did some research, made 2 short films, sculpted a mud fossil, made a paper typo hat, did some sketches, exported a lot of films and scanned my sketchbook for Oded.

Day 24 Tuesday 29/09/09
I decided to work from home having not gone to bed until until 5am. Oded and I spoke on Skype mid-morning and I aired my frustrations. I felt a bit stuck. I was working playfully and experimentally, trying to work for myself and learn how not to work towards expectation but at the same time was aware of Oded’s subconscious hope in publishing some of our experiments in some form. That expectation was putting pressure on me unintentionally. I wanted to produce work that was good enough for ‘Oded Ezer’ to publish, while at the same time trying not to work from that perspective. Just last week he warned me not to think like this. Later that day, having discussed that this ‘pressure’ didn’t exist, we published “Typotherapy”. The film is made up of hundreds of typographic forms shot in Israel.

Day 25 Wednesday 30/09/09 - Day 28 Saturday 03/10/09
Things have improved. This week I’ve worked from home while Oded is away in Rome. I’m enjoying the flat and working in the city. This week Oded and I developed a series of new flags from merging to layers of existing flags in Final Cut Pro. They’re beautiful, in colour and form. Oded visited the flat on Thursday, it was good for him to see my space I think. I am good for his process, and he for mine. We discuss how to react when someone judges your work directly to you. If they like it, say thankyou. If they hate it, say ok. Never let either enter your head, just continue. Work for yourself only.

Day 32 Wednesday 07/10/09
I sat on the balcony this evening and listened to Stefan Sagmeister being interviewed on the radio. “We must create work that changes lives, that touches hearts… Trying to look good only limits your life.”
 
I published lucybrownstudio.com today. Cue a restless day of doubt. If my aim is to stop worrying about what I look like as a designer, then I need to be in a place where I feel comfortable and where I feel enabled to work without being looked at. I want to produce work of integrity, work that speaks. I worry that Cheshire is too quiet. Do I need to be in a city to experience life and culture and people? I’ll be near Manchester and Liverpool and 2 hours from London, will that be enough? I know no designers in Cheshire. There’s maybe no one there that understands. Does that matter? Maybe it will allow me to be free. Thousands of people do this day after day after day after day and make no difference. I don’t want to do that. I want to contribute.

Read Lucy's first entry here, and stay tuned for the next installament of Lucy's Design Diary next week. In the meantime, check out Lucy Brown Studio on jotta.