The following days felt lighter in weight thanks to Oded's understanding and wisdom. They say it's often darkest just before the light. The light never came in a tangible form but each day I made progress. A year has now passed since I was in Tel Aviv. As I edit this final diary entry I'm reminded that this life is simply a journey. We will form many questions along the way. The challenge lies in seeking out the answers.

Day 38 Tuesday 13/10/09

Creative Review published Shelf Walk on their blog today. This formed a little encouragement in my grey mind. Over lunch Oded and I discussed days passed. He explained to me that the insecurities I'm experiencing are very common. "This is not a life of glamour and wealth," he explained. "It is one of insecurity and a constant drive to communicate what you believe." To the sounds of Oded's eclectic record collection, we worked throughout the afternoon in a very lighthearted manner. I went to the beach to watch the sun set in the evening. It was the most beautiful I have ever seen. Colour combinations that man could barely imagine stretched out across the sky. I had no camera with me, for which I’m glad. I just stopped and watch it, transfixed. For half an hour all else paled into insignificance and I felt deeply peaceful.

Day 40 Thursday 15/10/09

Today was my last day working with Oded. On the beach yesterday, I had been thinking about the pros and cons of having a goal to achieve within a specific amount of time. I wondered whether this was limiting? Is it better to be open to whatever the future may hold and make decisions day by day? "It is important to have a destination in mind for, say, the next five years," Oded explained. "To not have a destination is to let others decide for you. You must have a destination, but not a plan of how to get there nor any idea of the destination's form." Oded also suggested giving myself goals within different timescales. For example, you say to yourself, 'I am going to touch an aardvark today'. You don’t know how it will occur, but by the end of the day, you will have created some kind of aardvark that you can touch, because you didn’t come across a real one. You may be unsure how you will achieve your goal at first, but you find a way to achieve it. We worked until 8pm, it was a good day. Later in the evening Oded asked me if there was anything else I wanted to learn from him. I laughed. “No, no, I've learnt plenty. Thankyou.”

Day 41 Friday 16/10/09

Today I thought a lot about the year ahead, bought avocados, grapes and hummus and admired my beautiful neighbour from the balcony. Come evening I watched Straight Line by Sean Ackerman. It was so pertinent to where I am, both in mind and location. These were some of the words in the film: “When you are most lost, that's when the world reveals itself. You find yourself in places you never knew existed. And the beauty of it all wakes you up, and you live again... [There will be] pain ... but there [will be] so much pleasure too. There [will be] darkness and light. A contrast which [will make your] life brighter."

I came to Israel because I was lost post-LCC. I did not find my destination, but I carried myself a little further along my journey.

My wholehearted thanks go to Oded Ezer, for showing me part of what he knows to be the way.